


A Pokemon Fanfiction: Living Her Life Through Me

by EvilPenguinRika



Series: A Pokemon Headcanon Series [3]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3777433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilPenguinRika/pseuds/EvilPenguinRika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All my life, I've known only about Contests and becoming a Coordinator - following in my mother's footsteps. But recently, I've learned that just being a Coordinator isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life. That my mother has been living her early years as a Coordinator through me. I don't want this; but it's the only thing I know...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pokemon Fanfiction: Living Her Life Through Me

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: She had realized her mother was living her early years through her.

**A Pokemon Fanfiction**

**Living Her Life Through Me**

**~oOo~**

"One more time, you guys!" I called out. I had just come up with an incredibly amazing combination and was trying to test it out with Quilava and Pachirisu – but so far, I'm not content with how it's displayed at all... Versus the move I've envisioned in my head.

"Dawn, sweetie! Breakfast is ready!"

I sighed. We've been at this since six in the morning. I checked the time on my poketch. Great, it's been two hours!  _Two_ hours! I let out a groan.

"Let's leave it here and eat some food. I'm starving, and I bet all of you are hungry too!" I piped up. I released my remaining four Pokemon and helped my mom bring the food out for them. I headed back inside as my team at their breakfast with a joyous grin and grumbles of approval. My stomach was growling really hard.

"Wash up and eat, okay sweetie?"

I nodded. I made my way over to the washroom. I didn't know how long I was in there because my head was filled with ways to make my combinations come to life. I went over which moves would go first and who should be standing where. I was pulled back into reality by the sound of my mothers voice.

"Dawn, is everything okay?"

"No need to worry! I'm fine!" I called back. I flushed the toilet and washed up quickly before she got even more concerned of my well being. I opened the bathroom door quickly and walked right past her and into the dinning room.

"Dawn, you've been working hard with that new combination move since six. Are you sure you're alright?"

I sighed. "Well... Yes... And no..." I felt a weird urge to just tell my mother about all the different ways that I've tried to make this certain move work. And so I did. I didn't know how long I was talking about this. My mouth had just moved on it's own. The words spilled out so fast and easily. It was like the words had a mind of its own and realized my hesitation to tell my mom would only be in the way to find a proper solution.

She let out a soft calm breath and tapped her chin with her fingers. "That  _is_ a dilemma, Dawn."

I dragged my hands to cup my face and placed my elbows on the table. "I know..."

I felt her hand on my shoulder, and I hesitantly looked up towards her. Her expression seemed genuinely sympathetic. She must have dealt with these kind of things before – after all, she  _was_ a coordinator.

"Does it get better?" I whispered. "Will I eventually find some sort of solution to make the combination work?" My eyes stung painfully, and my nose took the brute end of the pain.

I barely saw that she had nod. My vision had blurred after I asked.

**~oOo~**

After breakfast, I headed back out to continue practicing the combination.

"No, no no! It's all  _wrong_!" I groaned. Quilava and Pachirisu made their way over to me with twin frowns. A quiet sigh left my mouth. I lowered myself to their eye level and petted them softly.

"It's not your fault, you guys... It's just me... I"m being too hard on myself, that's all. No need to worry," I smiled. "Okay?"

I doubt they believed me – with what me saying 'no need to worry' and all that. I've been told my catch phrase is always what made everyone worry about me.

I stood up tall and tilted my head back. I shielded my eyes with my hand as it pressed into the fabric of my toque. The sun was ablaze, it was really warm today. Something one would expect in the summer, anyways.

"I'm going to take a walk," I announced. My gaze still upwards.

"Pi! Piplup!"

"Alone." I stated. I looked down at my penguin partner and smiled. "Sorry, Piplup... I just need some time to think."

Piplup nodded and stepped aside. I then started to walk.

I probably left Twinleaf Town, judging by the 'Welcome to Twinleaf Town' sign is faced away from me.

"Maybe I should go to Lake Verity... It's always peaceful there." And so my legs took me to Lake Verity. I had to dodge a few wild Pokemon since my team were at home... Oh... Whoops. I forgot to tell my mom where I'll be...

I shrugged it off. I wasn't exactly in the mood to think about how mom would feel right now. I was way too focused about my life as a coordinator and how it's just not what it was like when I traveled with Ash and Brock. It's not what it seems. The fun contests as totally been drained out – especially after my never-ending losing streak. The only time I've lost two (or more) contests in a row was, again, when I was with Ash and Brock. But now, it's like it's my destiny to lose ever single contests. I don't even know if I want to  _continue_ being a coordinator.

Mom has been a little indifferent about my situation. She was so helpful at the beginning of my journey. She encouraged me to continue and never lose hope – but now, she's practically walking on eggshells with me and my many losses.

"Hey... Wait a minute!" Why hadn't I realized this before? I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. Mom must have been living her coordinator years through me... When I went off and said I'll be a coordinator like her... But now I'm... Why didn't I... Ugh!

"That is  _not_ fair at all..." I muttered. I was a naïve and stupid girl.

You'd never expect such a thing to happen like this... Maybe that's why mom was so proud of who I became... But I'm not her... I've lost countless of times, whined about it like a spoiled brat and I was currently on the verge of giving up and everything. Was I _even_ a coordinator to begin with? Was I just fooling myself? Was I just too dumb and blind to see it?

I arrived at the lake entrance. I was surprised at how fast I made it here. But anyways... Where was I? Oh yeah, bitching about my life.

"Since when did I become the type of person to complain about stuff?" I pondered. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. Who am I? What am I? What do I do? So many questions exploded and crowded my mind. "This sucks."

"Dawn?"

I flinched. I slowly turned around and was relieved – but shocked – to have seen my cousin, Lucas.

"Lucas! Oh wow... You scared me there, ha ha!" I feigned.

"Is something wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Nothing's wrong. No need to worry!" I mentally cursed myself to have said my infamous catch phrase again.

Lucas didn't seem to buy it. He folded his arms in front of him and narrowed his eyes at me. "Dawn. You're not fooling anyone by saying that. Now, come and tell me what's up? Where's Piplup?" He asked as he looked around the area.

I sighed. "My Pokemon are back at home..."

His eyes probably would have popped out if were were in some cartoon show. " _What_!? Dawn! Do you know how dangerous it is to be walking around places like this without a Pokemon!?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. "Yeah. I know."

"What were you thinking!?"

"I just wanted to be alone and collect my thoughts is all..." I confessed. I shrunk myself into a ball and looked down at my reflection in the still waters. I saw his face in the water and he was now beside me.

"Okay... Let me ask you my earlier question. Is something wrong?"

I brought my legs closer to my body. My head turned slightly towards him and my eyes looked directly into his. "I don't know who I am anymore."

He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean by that? You're Dawn Berlitz. Daughter of Johanna Berlitz and her late husband-"

I rolled my eyes and quickly cut him off. "I know  _that_ part, thank you very much... What I meant was... Other than being a failure as a coordinator, I don't know what I am."

"A fail... Oh Dawn..." He wrapped his arms around me.

"I haven't won a single contest in five months. Mom seems to be really disappointed in my never-ending losses and... And... I don't know... She doesn't even treat me the same way as she did when I first started out. Back then, she really was a mom. But now? Now she's like one of those woman who took someone under their wing to become their prodigy or something like that... I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to cut all ties with me and stuff..."

I felt myself being turned around and my face and body was most definitely in front of my cousin's. He held onto my shoulders tightly and his eyes grew with such ferocity and seriousness that I didn't recognize him at all.

"Don't you  _ever_ say something like that! Maybe... Maybe auntie was really living her early years through you... But you can't think like that! You can't just assume that your mom would disown you because you're not living up to her expectations of being a coordinator! She loves you, Dawn! You're her daughter, her blood. She doesn't love you just because you wanted to be a coordinator like her. She loves you unconditionally! She's probably just acting distant because she had probably failed to guide you properly, to teach you even more about being a coordinator and everything.

It's not fair to think like that at all, Dawn. She bore you. She gave birth to you. She nurtured you and raised you into a perfectly fine daughter. In her eyes, you're not a failure as a coordinator. Maybe your time as being a coordinator is finished. Maybe it's time to find something else you're much more passionate about..."

I sat there as my cousin regained his breath from that long winded lecture. Each and every word he told me had sunk in. But I still can't help the fact that what he said was all wrong, that my mom really would kick me to the curb because I failed as trying to be my her successor.

As if he knew what I was thinking about, Lucas talked again.

"I think you should tell your concerns to your mother..."

"But... What if everything I feared is true? I mean... Dad's gone... Mom's the only person that's been there for me..." I felt my eyes burn.

Lucas held me tight into one of his (subdued) bear hug. "Hey... You know there's always a place for you to stay at my place... Mom and dad would be more than happy to have their favourite niece come live with them.

I pulled away. "But I don't want to be such a burden to you..."

He shook his head and smiled that childish smile. "Hey, no need to worry, right?"

I blinked. Man, for a moment there, I saw a bit of me in there... But then again, he's my cousin.

"That's when I worry the most," I responded with a smirk.

**~oOo~**

I took my cousin's advice. I'm now sitting in the dinning room while Lucas was outside hanging with my Pokemon. Mom was currently in the kitchen preparing the things she needed for dinner later tonight.

"Alright, now that that's settled with," mom came around the counter and pulled up a chair, sitting directly in front of me. "What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

I clenched the fabric of my skirt from under the table. My eyes began to burn again, but I managed to choke them back just for a moment to release all my negative thoughts and fears out onto the table.

"Dawn?" Her voice worried.

"I... I don't think I want to be a coordinator anymore, mom."

"W-what?" She was shocked, probably a little angry. I could tell from her tone of voice.

"I haven't been doing great lately and... I don't know. I don't feel that rush, the adrenaline, anymore. All I feel is loss and disappointments and frustrations... I don't want to continue in this slump..."

My mom was quiet. So I took this opportunity to continue.

"I want to do something else. To  _try_ something else. I don't want to continue being a coordinator if I know I won't be able to rise up from my losses. I know you're a really successful and well-respected coordinator back in your days – and even now – but... I really want to try something else. I want to  _be_ my own person!

I've been thinking about this a lot – even since my third loss a couple months back, but I was just afraid to tell you... Heck, I  _still_ am..." I looked up. Her face was stoic and poised with such elegance that I could have thought she was a painting.

"Why are you so scared?" She asked with controlled seriousness.

"B-because..." My voice cracked. The tears were about to break through. "I'm afraid that you'll see me as a failure... That you only see me as your successor... That if I told you I wanted to do something else, you'll disown me and kick me out to the curb where I'd have to fend by myself and potentially be an orphan..." I lowered my head into my hands and allowed the tears to fall. I could barely hear the scrapes of the feet of the chair against the ground as I felt myself being embraced in such a loving and warm hug that my suppressed tears came out with full force.

"Dawn. You know that I love you unconditionally. I will never,  _ever_ disown you. You are my daughter and I will love you no matter what you want to do. Am I disappointed that you no longer want to try and be like me? Not really. Am I happy that you want to be your own person?" She pulled away and looked into my glossed eyes. "Yes. I'm so proud of you Dawn. I've always been proud of you. When you first started your journey, I was so scared that something might happen. I was scared that you would beat yourself up over not being able to be like me..."

She reached into her apron pocket and fished out a handkerchief for me. I took it from her and wiped my eyes. "So... Y-you're really not mad that I want to step away from being a coordinator?"

She shook her head. "No, sweetie. I'll support you in whatever you want to do."

I grinned and wrapped my arms around my mom. "Thank you..."

"Just remember that I love you and always will, Dawn. You're my baby girl. There's no way I will put my pride as a coordinator before you. You will  _always_ come in first, in my heart, in my mind, everywhere."

"I love you, mom."

"Love you too, Dawn."

**~oOo~**

After our talk, I headed back outside and saw Lucas running around with my Pokemon. I sat down on the steps and watched as my cousin made a fool of himself in front of my Pokemon.

"Piplup!" My penguin buddy bounced towards me and nuzzled into my hug.

"Hello to you too, Piplup," I laughed.

"Hey, Dawn! How was the talk?" He asked, lowering his voice a little.

I smiled up at him. I placed Piplup next to where I had sat and ushered him into a hug.

"W-what's this for?"

"For being the best cousin ever..." I pushed him away arms length and flashed a toothy grin. "If it wasn't for the fact that you encouraged me to talk to my mom, I probably still would have felt like a failure and did something reckless and stupid, or something."

He shook his head. "Geez... But, I'm glad everything was better now. So... Now that you've quiet being a coordinator, what are you going to do now?"

I thought for a moment. "Well... I'm not  _quitting_ , per say. I'm just putting my coordinator title on hold..."

He nodded, waiting for the next part of my reply.

"As for what I'm going to do... I think I'll try being a Poke Stylist again. I've already sketched a numerous amount of clothing designs for Pokemon and trainers alike!" I chirped.

"Dawn, that's great! I'm happy for you!" He clapped.

I nodded. "Thanks... Really... I mean it, Lucas."

"Heh, don't mention it. That's what family is for, right?" He tilted his head to the side with a quirky grin.

"Mm!" I laughed.


End file.
